Who's On Your Team?

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I have a friend whom I've known for some time. Despite living in different cities, we texted each other often, and she was very generous with her advice and guidance.

After about a year of knowing each other, I traveled to Lisbon, the city where she lived, for a crypto conference in the hopes of making new connections and finding new career opportunities. Since she had a vast network in Lisbon, I asked her if she could introduce me to people in the area who worked in the same industry as me.

Initially, she accepted my request, but when I arrived in Lisbon, she was nowhere to be found. She sent me pictures of herself at various events and texted me about the great people she was meeting, but she did very little to help me network. Even when I asked her again if she could invite me as a plus one to the events she was attending, she ignored my question and quickly changed the subject.

On the other hand, other people I met at the conference were much more helpful. On my second day, I met Tom, a crypto marketer, who quickly became a friend and invited me to every event he was attending. Another friend I made there, Jake, a business development executive in the crypto space, was eager to introduce me to all the people he knew when I expressed my desire to meet more people in the industry.

I was surprised to see that two people I barely knew were doing everything they could to help me, whereas the friend I had known for years did very little.

Initially, I didn't think much of it, but later I realized that this friend was not a supportive one. A few months later, when I asked her if she could write a testimonial for my new business, she ignored me. When I asked her if she could subscribe to the newsletter I had started, she ignored me again. Even after I explained how much it would mean to me if she did these things, she laughed it off and changed the subject.

After some time, I realized that this friend wasn't really a friend, and it was time to re-evaluate our relationship. Even though she provided some support in the past, she did very little to support or encourage me now.

I decided that it was time for me to distance myself from her and put some separation between us.

It wasn’t until months later, as I was reading Sahil Bloom’s personal annual review for 2022 that something clicked for me.

In his annual review, Sahil Bloom, a popular content creator and entrepreneur, does a thorough analysis of his year every December. In it, he discusses his hits, his misses, and his learnings.

He also reflects on who his boat anchors were in the past year and who he needs to separate from in order to keep growing.

Boat anchors, as Sahil explains them, are people that hold you back from your potential. While you try to push, full speed ahead, they literally create a "drag" on your life.

I realized, after reading Sahil’s annual review, that my friend in Lisbon was a boat anchor.

Not only did my friend refuse to help me, even in the smallest ways, but she also laughed at my ambition and criticized everything I was doing to push myself forward. She made me doubt myself and would subtly make snide remarks about the small accomplishments I felt proud of.

While I’d initially be happy about my small personal wins, I’d quickly feel bad about them whenever I spoke to her.

And whereas this friend consistently brought me down, I had other friends that were so supportive of everything I did.

Alex and Emily, friends I had made while working at a previous startup, were constant cheerleaders in my life. They were the first to subscribe or leave a testimonial on anything I was working on. They were always quick to engage with my content, liking and commenting on every post. And not only did they applaud all my accomplishments, but they also did everything in their power to help push me forward. I had standing bi-weekly calls with each of them, where we’d catch up and provide each other with guidance and feedback.

And they weren’t just my cheerleaders. They also constantly challenged me to improve on the different projects I was working on and provided me with valuable feedback on how to make them better.

Another close friend of mine, Rouge, is easily my biggest cheerleader. Whenever we meet new people, she’s always quick to tell them about my accomplishments and the great things I’ve done in the past. And while she’s in a completely different industry than I’m in, she’s always quick to applaud any exciting news that I share with her.

I came to the realization that while there were some people in my life, like the friend in Lisbon, that were always quick to belittle me, laugh at my ambition, and point out everything that wouldn’t work, others like Alex, Emily, and Rouge were constantly encouraging me, making me feel more motivated and inspired to move forward.

I realized it was time for me to cut my anchors away–everyone who was dragging me down–so that my boat could keep sailing forward.

And it was also time for me, to strengthen the friendships that propelled my boat forward, increasing the speed it was going at and helping me discover new horizons ahead.

Why are we so quick to evaluate everything in our lives, from our careers to our investments and fitness levels, but we never pause to evaluate our friendships and support systems?

I, myself, am guilty of this.

While I have spreadsheets and trackers for everything—what I ate, what workouts I did, the investments I made, and the books I read (amongst many others)—I seldom take the time to think about the friendships in my life.

I just accept them for what they are and never pause to evaluate them.

I’m always quick to dismiss any negatives given the history of the friendship, and try to see the good in most friendships.

But sometimes it helps to take a closer look at our various relationships and see what value they bring us.

And they don’t necessarily have to only be bringing us tangible value, like feedback sessions and introductions. They can also provide us with emotional values that aren’t quantifiable—the feelings of positivity from having a great conversation with a friend, or the feeling of inspiration we have after talking to them. Or even the pure joy that comes from hearing words of encouragement from a friend.

Those go a long way in the end.

Because when we’re doing anything in our lives that is challenging or difficult—whether it’s building a business, a product, or a content platform, or even helping a great company where we’re employed at build a great business—we’ll often be the first to doubt ourselves.

We’ll come into our own way before we even get started.

And if we do start making progress, we’ll often let our fears take over and stop us from advancing further. We’ll doubt everything about what we’re doing—whether it was the right move or whether it’s even worth pursuing.

We’ll come up with reasons for why something is too difficult or why we should drop it before it can even take shape.

Those negative little voices inside our head, the ones we try to push out but sometimes still make their way in regardless, will tell us that we’re not good enough, that we can’t do it, and that what we’re doing won’t work.

Because we’re the first to even doubt ourselves, it’s important not to let anyone else close to us add fuel to the negative inner voices.

It’s hard enough to build something great as it is—do you really need someone else bringing you down before you even started?

Would you rather have someone in your life telling you what you’ve accomplished isn’t significant, or someone who applauds you every step of the way? Someone who is there to push you forward when you can’t find the energy to push forward yourself?

If you want to accomplish anything in life, you need to surround yourself with a strong support network.

If you don’t have the right people surrounding you, cheering you on, and invested in your growth and your wins, then it will be very difficult to build anything substantial.

Yes, you could technically build it on your own, without any encouragement and with detractors all around you, but it's so much easier when you're surrounded by the right people.

People who talk about building great things always talk about their ideas, their execution, their growth engines, but they always seem to miss one of the most important things needed for success: their support systems.

So, who are the anchors in your life? Who's not bringing much value and dragging you down?

And who’s on your team? Who are your cheerleaders, the ones who want to see you win and are excited by even your smallest accomplishments?

It's time to cut away your anchors and focus on surrounding yourself with your biggest supporters.

Because anything worth building is better done with the right people by your side.

Until next time,
Sabrina

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🌊 Dive Deeper

1. My friend, Alex, (the same Alex from this post!) writes an awesome newsletter on the latest developments in AI. She also works full-time in AI, so this girl knows what she’s talking about. Check out her newsletter, Superfast AI. You won’t regret it.

2. If you’re not already familiar with Sahil Bloom, you should definitely take a look at his content here. Twice a week, he delivers great productivity and framework hacks to improve your life.