• This image of all of this week’s Jon & Kate magazine covers is kind of mind-numbing.  I actually watched an episode of it last night and the way they relate to each other now is so different from the first season of the show.  Yes, I have watched every season of this show.  Michael K over at DListed has a really great breakdown of what each of the magazines is saying this week.  I personally just wanted to bring to your attention the story from her ex-fiance who says she used to each a lot of junk food and their typical date night consisted of an evening at Ruby Tuesdays.  I love Ruby Tuesdays and had to give it a shout out here on NSG.  Whenever my main gay and I need some special “us” time, we always find a romantic little corner table near the salad bar where we can go to town on some spinach artichoke dip and some pumpernickel croutons with avocado ranch dressing.  Mmm…moving on…
• Ashlee Simpson got wiggity wasted at a party recently and ended up making a fool of herself in front of everyone.  Guess those pregnancy rumors were false.
• Rihanna might leak some “less than flattering” nude photos of Chris Brown because she’s pissed about the nude photos leaked of her.  She’s convinced someone from his camp leaked them.  She’s also been talking smack about sexy time skills.  Apparently, he’s clumsy.
• The National Enquirer claims Brangelina are over.   Brad is going to film a couple of movies in California while Angelina takes the kids to their French Chateau.  I don’t really believe the story but they have broken a few really great stories this year so I thought I’d let y’all know.  I’d like to think Brad would probably not let the kids go so easily.
• Madonna is paying a lot of money to turn her boy toy Jesus into a DJ.  She’s shelling out a small fortune on lessons and equipment.  I’m not going to knock it.  He’s working hard for that money.

• The first official New Moon poster.  Although Edward isn’t in this book that often, Robert Pattinson gets plenty of screentime as a flashback or figment of Bella’s imagination.  Thank goodness.
• Amy Winehouse was taken to a hospital in St. Lucia for the third time in as many months.  Never fear, she was released the same day.
• Chris Pine (the hottie from Star Trek) and one of those awfuls girls from the Hills are dating.  Methinks that it’s time for an upgrade, Chris.  You are now the star of what is sure to become a huge Hollywood franchise.  His agent needs to get on top of this.
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is working on a country album.  Why?
• I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been refraining from posting any Rihanna stories lately.  Well, she’s up and done the one thing thing that would get me to pay attention.  She was seen making out with Aubrey Graham aka Jimmy Brooks aka the kid in the wheelchair on Degrassi at Lucky Strike in NYC.
• Cameron Diaz loves the planet and therefore doesn’t flush the toilet when she goes #1.
• Britney is being sued again.  This time it is a former bodyguard who claims the working conditions were unsafe.  Now, call me crazy but isn’t the very nature of being a bodyguard unsafe?  Aren’t you supposed to put yourself in harm’s way to protect the person who hired you to be their bodyguard?  It sort of seems like his case is completely without merit.
• John Mayer thinks dudes hate him because he dates their fantasy girls. Wrong!  Let me clarify.  Dudes don’t hate John Mayer because I really don’t think dudes think about him.  The only people who really care about him are chicks and gay guys who read gossip blogs and, well, we don’t really care - we’re just mildly interested because we heard he has a horse cock.
• Bravo is casting for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  I can already tell you there is no way this is going to be as entertaining as the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Here’s what you missed in the world of gossip while you were drunk and subsequently hungover this weekend:

• Bruce Willis and Natasha Bedingfield got married.  Not together - to other people, just on the same weekend.
• Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged.
• Josh Groban and Katy Perry are dating.  That’s an odd couple.  What do you think they listen to during sexy times?
• Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords got married.  Both Conchords are now hitched.  Sad.
• Rhianna and Chris Brown might have a sex tape.

• Are Leann Rimes & Eddie Cibrian bumping their married uglies?  That’s the big story of the day.  Despite the fact that it could be me and and Harold in that grainy, faceless photo (above), I believe it.  She’s been married to her husband, a former dancer and current stylist, since she was 19.  Combine an attractive 26 year old woman with a husband of questionable sexuality, a serious case of the seven year itch and an incredibly attractive co-star and you have the recipe for infidelity.
• Guy Ritchie and Elle Macpherson had dinner together in London.  Obviously, this means they are a couple.
• Christina Ricci and Owen Benjamin (don’t worry, I don’t know who he is either) are engaged.
• Bruce Willis might get his very own child bride.  Rumor has it he will be marrying his girlfriend, Emma, this weekend in an exotic location.
• Today’s Britney news is good.  A judge ordered Adnan Ghalib to stay away from Britney for 3 years.
• Rhianna and Chris Brown are “on a break”.  This is good.  It would have been better if they had done it immediately after he broke her face.
• John Mayer is a douche.  We knew this already but now we have proof.  He said via his Twitter account - “My heart didn’t come with instructions”.   Douche.  Who says that?  It’s like when The Ex used to post “is loving and loved” as his Facebook status (not in reference to me, of course).  Seriously?  No one needs to hear that shit.
• And, the WTF!?! news of the day comes from Bravo.  They announced the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey today.  New Jersey?!?  Were the real houswives of Detroit busy?

• If you asked “What is this fuckery?” when you looked at the above pic, get on the boat with the rest of us.  These are snaps from the American version of “Absolutely Fabulous”.  This has got to be one of the worst ideas for a remake ever.  To “Americanize” the show, you kinda have to take out all the good shizz.  What is left of Patsy when you take away the rampant drug use?  And all that smoking?  What about the smoking?  And, Patsy wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit.  Bad idea.
• Today’s WTF!?! news isn’t really news.  I just want to know what Kanye West is trying to do with that stripper he’s dating.  She’s neither cute nor fashionable.  I think he thinks her alien-esque looks are fashion forward.  I just don’t get it.  Maybe he thinks bringing a low rent trailer trash ho to Paris fashion week is ironic?
• This Chris Brown / Rhianna thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder.  Turns out the woman he was getting the texts that started this whole thing from is his 40 year old manager.  In court papers, they acknowledge that the texts came from someone he has a previous sexual relationship with.  Word on the streets is they were doing the nasty back when Chris was 16. I wonder what’s going to come out next.  This thing is a train wreck.
• Drew Barrymore herself confirmed that she is on the shortlist to direct Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight saga.  Not sure how I feel about this one.

There’s no Britney news in this post.  This picture is hot and I’d rather post it than a picture of Chris Brown and Rhianna.

• Chris Brown was charged with two felonies today for beating the shit out of Rhianna.  Some details of the incident came out.  Basically, she found a text from a girl, called him out on it and he beat her head against the window of the car until her mouth filled with blood.  Then, when she, RIGHTLY SO, called her assistant and asked to have the police meet her there he said “You just did the stupidest thing ever.  I’m going to f*cking kill you.”  Then he continued to punch and bite her (really?  bite?).  Fast forward a couple of weeks and now they are back together.  I wonder if she’s going to show up to court to support him?  Word is she’s not testifying against him either.  UPDATE:  There are rumors the two got engaged or married when they reconciled in Miami and her reps aren’t denying it.  Hmm…a wife doesn’t have to testify against her husband does she?  Hmm…
• Kristen Stewart is an ingrate.  Of her star making role as Bella in the Twilight movies she said, “It would be so easy for me to send so many hundreds of girls into such a frenzy by saying I want no part of any future movies.”  Kristen, grab your bong, take a hit and let me spell it out for you.  You are not a good actress.  In fact, a piece of driftwood is capable of eliciting a greater emotional response than your acting.  What you need to do is cash your check, show up to set, try not to melt in the glory that is Robert Pattinson (the real star of the franchise) and do whatever the f*ck they tell you to do.
• 2009 seems to be the year of the comeback.  Britney’s tour has officially kicked off, Amy Winehouse got a new weave and a new sweater and now Michael Jackson is scheduled for 10 shows at the O2 Arena in London this July.  Who’s gonna be next?
• Is Queen Latifah getting hitched?  Just asking because the NY Daily News had this blind item today: “Which closeted jack-of-all-trades just became secretly engaged to her girlfriend? Word is, the two will wed soon in N.J.”

• Miley Cyrus and her man candy went for a jog.  People keep talking about the fact that, technically, them being together is a felony because he’s 20 and she’s 16.  Whatever.  If you were 20 and had the opportunity to live with and f*ck a 16 year old girl with her parent’s permission, you totally would.  If you were any age and had the opportunity to f*ck an underwear model, you would.  I don’t see why everyone’s getting their panties in a bunch over this one.  Besides, she’s still a virgin ::cough cough::  What bothers me about this picture is the fact that she’s jogging in a bikini top and daisy dukes.  My tits aren’t nearly as big as hers and my girls need full support when I go to the gym.  Just saying…
• Amy Winehouse is officially back in London.  She got in a fight with a man before the plane even landed.
• No Doubt will be performing on Gossip Girl on May 11th.  Woot!
• Rhianna and Chris Brown are back together.  This is really sad, but not for her.  I really don’t care if she loves him so much that she’s willing to get her ass beat.  It’s sad for all her fans who might think it’s ok for a man to beat them as long as he says he’s sorry afterwards.  I haven’t posted much on this story because it’s been covered to death on other sites but, in case you haven’t been following, he beat the shit out of her.  It melts my cold, black heart a little to think about any victims of abuse who will use Rhianna’s return to Chris Brown as a way to rationalize staying in an unsafe situation.  Whether she wants to be or not, she is a role model.  The second you ask a young girl to save her allowance money to buy your album, you take on that responsibility.

• This isn’t really gossip worthy, I just thought you should all familiarize yourself with Jon Hamm.  I just finished season one of Mad Men and am now in lust with him.  If you’ve ever wondered what type of guy I want, this is it.  Tall, dark, handsome and wearing an impeccably tailored suit.
• Chris Brown smacked the sh!t out of Rhianna. The story/details keep changing.  The latest is he was arrested for assault, possibly felony assault with a deadly weapon.  Some outlets are alleging that she has a broken jaw and shattered cheekbones.  I hope he realizes he just royally f-ed himself.  Rhianna is the princess of the R&B/pop world (sorry, Beyonce) and one of the biggest hitmakers today.  I hope she hits him where it really hurts - his wallet.  UPDATE: The info on this changes hourly so for the latest, check out TMZ.
• Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy are engaged.  A lot of people don’t like her because of the whole “I stole a man from a pregnant woman” thing, but I can forgive and forget.  She will always be Angela Chase to me.
• Is Reese Witherspoon pregnant?  Judge for yourself - PITNB has pics here.
• St. Lucian’s can rejoice!  Amy Winehouse is reportedly going back to London to deal with her impending divorce.
• Blink 182 are reuniting.  I don’t care and wouldn’t have put this on the site if I didn’t have a story to go along with it.  I was friends with this one straight guy and he invited me to a Blink 182 concert.  We go to the concert with this couple and after about two hours I realize that not only were we on a double date, but, apparently, we’d been dating for three months and things were getting serious.  I had no clue.  I let him buy me a slice of pizza sometimes before work and we maybe kissed one time when I was wasted, but I didn’t really consider that dating.  Besides, who dates a girl for three months and doesn’t think it’s weird that she won’t kiss him.  I would think it’s weird if I date someone for a month and don’t bone them so I have no idea what his frame of reference was.  Surprising or not, this was the second time I found out a friend thought I was dating him.  Maybe I send the wrong signals…

Sorry for not posting sooner.  This weekend was full of debauchery.  While out and about (and a little bit drunk), I ran into a few insiders who were more than happy to offer up some juicy tidbits for you.

A staffer from one of the biggest music companies was all too willing to tell a little story about how a girl from Barbados almost didn’t get her record contract.  Music execs were not always in love with Rhianna - in the beginning, they thought her voice sounded way too much like Beyonce and Shakira.  Worried that her deal might fall through, she attended a late night “negotiating” session with Jay-Z.  She must have been very persuasive because later that very night, she was officially given her record deal and the rest is history.  See Ladies, a little hard work always pays off…you just might need to bring knee pads with you.

It’s always been known that there is no love lost between Beyonce and Rhianna and know we know why.  What we didn’t know was that Beyonce’s got plently of hatred to spread to her co-stars.  The same staffer tells me that she made a face and mouthed “B*tch” and “F*ck” when Jennifer Hudson won her Oscar.  They totally should have shown that on the Oscar’s telecast.  Maybe then it wouldn’t have been quite the snore fest.

Our final bit of gossip comes from a staffer at one of those trendy NYC boutiques all the starlets frequent.  Apparently, Brandy (if you can remember her) payed paparazzi to take her photo when she was shopping.  Can you smell that?  It’s the scent of desperation in the air.  Oh, the same staffer said that my favorite former girl group member Aubrey O’Day is a “beast” and “super tacky” in person.  I don’t believe that, I just think he’s a little jealous of her fabulosity.  Not everyone can take a $500 dress and make it look like something off the $5 clearance rack at Rainbow - that kind of think takes a little something I call “true class”.