• Happy Memorial Day Weekend!  I hope there is lots of daytime drinking in the days ahead.  There are few things in life I enjoy more than drinking outdoors in the sun with good friends…there’s something about being day-drunk that’s a little less seedy than being 3am-drunk.
• Britney Spears and family are vacationing in the Caribbean.  Doesn’t she look AMAZING in the photo above?  Such a huge difference from last year.  I would kill to look like that in a bikini.
• Speaking of looking good in a bikini, Lady Gaga has some advice for us on how to be “popstar” thin.  “It’s all about starvation.  Popstars don’t eat.”  And there you have it.
• Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn are giving it another go.  He asked a judge to dismiss his request to end their marriage.  This is the third time they’ve filed for divorce and then backed out.  I really want to know what kind of hold he has on her.  Also, interesting that this happens a week after Natalie Portman made a public statement about NOT being with Sean Penn.
• Hayden Panettiere is an idiot.  She got a tattoo in Italian and it’s spelled wrong.  Here’s a thought - if you don’t know for certain what something means, don’t get it permanently etched into your skin.
• Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr might be engaged.  I know people used to think he was a hot piece of ass, although I personally never saw it.  Do people still care about him?
• Katie Price had her staff remove all of Peter Andre’s stuff from their mansion and put it in storage…without telling him about it.  I’m starting to think this divorce might be for real.
• Two people each paid $20,000 for a kiss on the cheek from Robert Pattinson.  Now, we all know he does special things to my no-no bits but even I think this is a little excessive.  For $20K I would expect a little more.  Maybe some tongue…maybe a crotch grab…a chance to run your fingers through his nasty ass, greasy hair (mmmm).    I suppose it was for a good cause but those people got gypped.
• Real Housewives of New Jersey Spolier Alert & the baby news of the day!  Both Teresa and Jacqueline are pregnant.

• See that look on Milo Ventimiglia’s face?  That’s the “Oh f*ck - now I realize why people told me not to date a teenager” look.  30 year old Milo was dating 19 year old Hayden Panettiere and they broke up.  Not only was he dating a teenager, he also works with her.  What did she do after the break up?  Surprise, surprise, she’s making his life hell at work.  My manager at the Baskin’ Robbins I worked at in high school could have told you what was gonna happen after breaking up with a teenager.  Anyway, Hayden is being a big bratty bitch on the set of Heroes and makes a big scene about not talking to him.  She’s even trying to get him fired.  Hell hath no fury like a teenage girl scorn.  This is why you shouldn’t date them. You should date girls like me who’ve been around the block a few times and have been jacked over by enough guys that we don’t care enough to make a stink when we’re dropped.
• Geri Halliwell is, apparently, “not the marrying type” and ended her engagement to her yachting billionaire fiance (his name is irrelevant, you have the info you need).  I’m not sure that I’m the marrying type but I’m damn sure I would become the type for a billionaire.  And, if he’s a billionaire who made him money off of the yachting business, I would also learn to swim.
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams got hitched.  She’s said to be “very, very happy”.  See - I can talk about happy celebs.

This past weekend felt like the longest 3 day weekend of my life.  I’m still recovering from the tomfoolery that went down.  If, like me, you were too hungover to check the gossip blogs over the weekend, here’s what you missed:

• M.I.A. gave birth to a baby boy last Wednesday.  She hasn’t share the name yet.  Everyone’s expecting something crazy so I’m hoping she names her baby something totally normal like Michael or David.
• Milo Ventimiglia and Hayden Panettiere broke up.  This is good news because Milo is a hot piece and has lost that creepy “I’m dating an 18 year old” factor.
• Salma Hayek eloped with her baby daddy Francois-Henri Pinault in Paris over the weekend.  Congrats to the couple!  PS - Pinault is estimated to be worth $16.9 billion.
• Amy Winehouse was hospitalized in St. Lucia.  Some reports say it was alcohol induced.  Others say she ran out of the drug replacement meds she’s been on.  No worries though.  It wasn’t too serious and she’ll be out soon.
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson got in a huge fight this weekend that ended with Lindsay screaming and running on a Manhattan street.
• And, the best news of the weekend was the announcement that Robert Pattinson will be presenting at the Oscar’s this year!