• This image of all of this week’s Jon & Kate magazine covers is kind of mind-numbing.  I actually watched an episode of it last night and the way they relate to each other now is so different from the first season of the show.  Yes, I have watched every season of this show.  Michael K over at DListed has a really great breakdown of what each of the magazines is saying this week.  I personally just wanted to bring to your attention the story from her ex-fiance who says she used to each a lot of junk food and their typical date night consisted of an evening at Ruby Tuesdays.  I love Ruby Tuesdays and had to give it a shout out here on NSG.  Whenever my main gay and I need some special “us” time, we always find a romantic little corner table near the salad bar where we can go to town on some spinach artichoke dip and some pumpernickel croutons with avocado ranch dressing.  Mmm…moving on…
• Ashlee Simpson got wiggity wasted at a party recently and ended up making a fool of herself in front of everyone.  Guess those pregnancy rumors were false.
• Rihanna might leak some “less than flattering” nude photos of Chris Brown because she’s pissed about the nude photos leaked of her.  She’s convinced someone from his camp leaked them.  She’s also been talking smack about sexy time skills.  Apparently, he’s clumsy.
• The National Enquirer claims Brangelina are over.   Brad is going to film a couple of movies in California while Angelina takes the kids to their French Chateau.  I don’t really believe the story but they have broken a few really great stories this year so I thought I’d let y’all know.  I’d like to think Brad would probably not let the kids go so easily.
• Madonna is paying a lot of money to turn her boy toy Jesus into a DJ.  She’s shelling out a small fortune on lessons and equipment.  I’m not going to knock it.  He’s working hard for that money.

• Introducing Bo, the First Puppy.  He’s cute.  I’m sure the Obama girls are super excited.
• Will Britney have to testify in one of her myriad court cases?  A lawyer who claims Britney hired him to get her out of the conservatorship has asked a judge to make her testify when she goes back to California on her Circus tour.  His argument is that if she is in the right frame of mind to perform a huge solo tour, she is able to testify on her own behalf in a court of law.  Makes sense to me.  It would be SO interesting to hear what she has to say.
• Pamela Anderson might get hitched for the fourth time.
• Chris Brown has moved on.  Depending your gossip source, he’s either dating his ex-girlfriend or a member of that girl group, Girlicious.  Either way, you know Rihanna isn’t happy about it.
• Geri Halliwell must have a magical vagina.  After dumping her super rich fiancee, she’s found love in the arms of an Italian multi-millionaire.  How does she land the big fish so easily?
• Mel Gibson and his wife are getting divorced.  I wonder how he’s going to spin this with his super conservative Catholic following?

Here’s what you missed in the world of gossip while you were drunk and subsequently hungover this weekend:

• Bruce Willis and Natasha Bedingfield got married.  Not together - to other people, just on the same weekend.
• Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged.
• Josh Groban and Katy Perry are dating.  That’s an odd couple.  What do you think they listen to during sexy times?
• Bret McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords got married.  Both Conchords are now hitched.  Sad.
• Rhianna and Chris Brown might have a sex tape.

• Are Leann Rimes & Eddie Cibrian bumping their married uglies?  That’s the big story of the day.  Despite the fact that it could be me and and Harold in that grainy, faceless photo (above), I believe it.  She’s been married to her husband, a former dancer and current stylist, since she was 19.  Combine an attractive 26 year old woman with a husband of questionable sexuality, a serious case of the seven year itch and an incredibly attractive co-star and you have the recipe for infidelity.
• Guy Ritchie and Elle Macpherson had dinner together in London.  Obviously, this means they are a couple.
• Christina Ricci and Owen Benjamin (don’t worry, I don’t know who he is either) are engaged.
• Bruce Willis might get his very own child bride.  Rumor has it he will be marrying his girlfriend, Emma, this weekend in an exotic location.
• Today’s Britney news is good.  A judge ordered Adnan Ghalib to stay away from Britney for 3 years.
• Rhianna and Chris Brown are “on a break”.  This is good.  It would have been better if they had done it immediately after he broke her face.
• John Mayer is a douche.  We knew this already but now we have proof.  He said via his Twitter account - “My heart didn’t come with instructions”.   Douche.  Who says that?  It’s like when The Ex used to post “is loving and loved” as his Facebook status (not in reference to me, of course).  Seriously?  No one needs to hear that shit.
• And, the WTF!?! news of the day comes from Bravo.  They announced the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey today.  New Jersey?!?  Were the real houswives of Detroit busy?

• If you asked “What is this fuckery?” when you looked at the above pic, get on the boat with the rest of us.  These are snaps from the American version of “Absolutely Fabulous”.  This has got to be one of the worst ideas for a remake ever.  To “Americanize” the show, you kinda have to take out all the good shizz.  What is left of Patsy when you take away the rampant drug use?  And all that smoking?  What about the smoking?  And, Patsy wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit.  Bad idea.
• Today’s WTF!?! news isn’t really news.  I just want to know what Kanye West is trying to do with that stripper he’s dating.  She’s neither cute nor fashionable.  I think he thinks her alien-esque looks are fashion forward.  I just don’t get it.  Maybe he thinks bringing a low rent trailer trash ho to Paris fashion week is ironic?
• This Chris Brown / Rhianna thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder.  Turns out the woman he was getting the texts that started this whole thing from is his 40 year old manager.  In court papers, they acknowledge that the texts came from someone he has a previous sexual relationship with.  Word on the streets is they were doing the nasty back when Chris was 16. I wonder what’s going to come out next.  This thing is a train wreck.
• Drew Barrymore herself confirmed that she is on the shortlist to direct Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight saga.  Not sure how I feel about this one.

There’s no Britney news in this post.  This picture is hot and I’d rather post it than a picture of Chris Brown and Rhianna.

• Chris Brown was charged with two felonies today for beating the shit out of Rhianna.  Some details of the incident came out.  Basically, she found a text from a girl, called him out on it and he beat her head against the window of the car until her mouth filled with blood.  Then, when she, RIGHTLY SO, called her assistant and asked to have the police meet her there he said “You just did the stupidest thing ever.  I’m going to f*cking kill you.”  Then he continued to punch and bite her (really?  bite?).  Fast forward a couple of weeks and now they are back together.  I wonder if she’s going to show up to court to support him?  Word is she’s not testifying against him either.  UPDATE:  There are rumors the two got engaged or married when they reconciled in Miami and her reps aren’t denying it.  Hmm…a wife doesn’t have to testify against her husband does she?  Hmm…
• Kristen Stewart is an ingrate.  Of her star making role as Bella in the Twilight movies she said, “It would be so easy for me to send so many hundreds of girls into such a frenzy by saying I want no part of any future movies.”  Kristen, grab your bong, take a hit and let me spell it out for you.  You are not a good actress.  In fact, a piece of driftwood is capable of eliciting a greater emotional response than your acting.  What you need to do is cash your check, show up to set, try not to melt in the glory that is Robert Pattinson (the real star of the franchise) and do whatever the f*ck they tell you to do.
• 2009 seems to be the year of the comeback.  Britney’s tour has officially kicked off, Amy Winehouse got a new weave and a new sweater and now Michael Jackson is scheduled for 10 shows at the O2 Arena in London this July.  Who’s gonna be next?
• Is Queen Latifah getting hitched?  Just asking because the NY Daily News had this blind item today: “Which closeted jack-of-all-trades just became secretly engaged to her girlfriend? Word is, the two will wed soon in N.J.”

• Miley Cyrus and her man candy went for a jog.  People keep talking about the fact that, technically, them being together is a felony because he’s 20 and she’s 16.  Whatever.  If you were 20 and had the opportunity to live with and f*ck a 16 year old girl with her parent’s permission, you totally would.  If you were any age and had the opportunity to f*ck an underwear model, you would.  I don’t see why everyone’s getting their panties in a bunch over this one.  Besides, she’s still a virgin ::cough cough::  What bothers me about this picture is the fact that she’s jogging in a bikini top and daisy dukes.  My tits aren’t nearly as big as hers and my girls need full support when I go to the gym.  Just saying…
• Amy Winehouse is officially back in London.  She got in a fight with a man before the plane even landed.
• No Doubt will be performing on Gossip Girl on May 11th.  Woot!
• Rhianna and Chris Brown are back together.  This is really sad, but not for her.  I really don’t care if she loves him so much that she’s willing to get her ass beat.  It’s sad for all her fans who might think it’s ok for a man to beat them as long as he says he’s sorry afterwards.  I haven’t posted much on this story because it’s been covered to death on other sites but, in case you haven’t been following, he beat the shit out of her.  It melts my cold, black heart a little to think about any victims of abuse who will use Rhianna’s return to Chris Brown as a way to rationalize staying in an unsafe situation.  Whether she wants to be or not, she is a role model.  The second you ask a young girl to save her allowance money to buy your album, you take on that responsibility.

• NYC just got a little more boring.  The yawnfest couple that is Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are moving to town.
• More on that Lindsay Lohan story from yesterday.  Turns out she was stalking Chace Crawford all night.  She showed up at a bar he was at so he left to party at home.  Then, she shows up at his house but wasn’t let in.  Coke does make you do some crazy stuff.
• The big Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie showdown happens this weekend.  They will both be attending the Night Before the Oscars party.  People are making a big deal about this but the same shizz went down last year.  They were both slated to attend and one cancelled and the other just did a quick walk through.  Methinks the party’s PR person knows what she’s doing.
• Speaking of Angelina, she was spotted looking at an apartment in NYC’s Washington Heights today.
• Both Star Magazine and Life & Style are reporting that Rihanna and Chris Brown are still together.  According to their source, she texts him constantly and is worried that he is going to cheat on her.  This is really sad if it’s true.  She would set such a bad example for girls if she goes back to him.

• This isn’t really gossip worthy, I just thought you should all familiarize yourself with Jon Hamm.  I just finished season one of Mad Men and am now in lust with him.  If you’ve ever wondered what type of guy I want, this is it.  Tall, dark, handsome and wearing an impeccably tailored suit.
• Chris Brown smacked the sh!t out of Rhianna. The story/details keep changing.  The latest is he was arrested for assault, possibly felony assault with a deadly weapon.  Some outlets are alleging that she has a broken jaw and shattered cheekbones.  I hope he realizes he just royally f-ed himself.  Rhianna is the princess of the R&B/pop world (sorry, Beyonce) and one of the biggest hitmakers today.  I hope she hits him where it really hurts - his wallet.  UPDATE: The info on this changes hourly so for the latest, check out TMZ.
• Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy are engaged.  A lot of people don’t like her because of the whole “I stole a man from a pregnant woman” thing, but I can forgive and forget.  She will always be Angela Chase to me.
• Is Reese Witherspoon pregnant?  Judge for yourself - PITNB has pics here.
• St. Lucian’s can rejoice!  Amy Winehouse is reportedly going back to London to deal with her impending divorce.
• Blink 182 are reuniting.  I don’t care and wouldn’t have put this on the site if I didn’t have a story to go along with it.  I was friends with this one straight guy and he invited me to a Blink 182 concert.  We go to the concert with this couple and after about two hours I realize that not only were we on a double date, but, apparently, we’d been dating for three months and things were getting serious.  I had no clue.  I let him buy me a slice of pizza sometimes before work and we maybe kissed one time when I was wasted, but I didn’t really consider that dating.  Besides, who dates a girl for three months and doesn’t think it’s weird that she won’t kiss him.  I would think it’s weird if I date someone for a month and don’t bone them so I have no idea what his frame of reference was.  Surprising or not, this was the second time I found out a friend thought I was dating him.  Maybe I send the wrong signals…

As easy one from Perez:

What reality TV “star” was so desperate to have her barely watched show renewed that she agreed to a 70% pay cut for the second season????

That’s pretty obviously Denise Richards.

From Crazy Days and Nights:

Even an A lister gets unlucky sometimes. There was some previous discussion whether this individual is actually A list. If he isn’t A then he is right on the cusp. Apparently all the women surrounding his table thought he was A list or at least wanted him to think so. Allegedly dating someone everyone thought he was behaving himself except in the drinking department until a model walked by. He immediately ran over to the model and began trying to hit on her. Apparently though she didn’t know who he was. When he informed her drunkenly who he was and what he had been in, she said, “I don’t really care. Plus if you need to list your accomplishments to get a date, you really have not accomplished all that much.” It would have been nice if this had been a quiet conversation, but unfortunately for our film the entire group surrounding the table all heard it. Nice.

I have no clue.  Any ideas?  Some people on the message boards were saying Ryan Gosling because he may or may not still be dating Rachel McAdams.  I can see how people wouldn’t readily recognize him but I think he’s deffo A list.  Hmm…

Another toughie from Awful Truth:

As we have made abundantly clear, there are a ton of closeted gay actors and performers in this business.

And whether or not these sexually deceiving dudes choose to be public about their shenanigans, usually their reps—managers, publicists, agents, gardeners, etc.—find out via some email or some shocked coworker that their client goes homo. Not so with Oded Good-Head…

His manager discovered the boy likes to do it with other boys by walking in on Oded in his dressing room! Was most awkward, too, as the man who was being serviced by Mr. Good-Head—who has quite the reputation with the girlies, not to mention multitalents in front of concert audiences and movie cameras alike—saw the manager first.

Very whuh-whoh kinda sitch, ya know?

Poor Od-y didn’t notice his 10 percent guy was standing right there until his latest surreptitious conquest pulled him up and away from what the awfully good-looking performer was so earnestly doing.

End result? Fellatio interruptus—and new pics of Oded and assorted chickies coming out soon in Us Weekly and other razor-sharp standards of Hollywood journalism.

Ok, so he’s a boy and he’s does concerts and acts.  My first thought was Justin Timberlake, but then it could be Zac Efron, Chris Brown or any others.  Thoughts?