• Happy Friday!  In lieu of a celeb photo, I present a puppy falling asleep in a bowl of water.  This will probably be my weekend.  Just replace the puppy with a drunk blonde chick and the bowl of water with a pitcher of beer.  Cheers!
• According to Page Six, Sean Penn and Natalie Portman are still hitting it.  I don’t get it.  How do you go from Gael Garcia Bernal to Sean Penn?  Sean Penn must have a monster cock that the only explanation why Natalie is still riding it and why Robin Wright Penn put up with so much shizz during their marriage.  There’s really no other explanation.
• Those Madonna / Jesus Luz marriage rumors were sort of true.  They aren’t getting legally married but they are planning a Kaballah commitment ceremony.  Interesting.  I, shockingly, am not gonna hate on this.  I kinda like the idea.  You get to stand in front of your friends and share your love, throw a party and get presents.  I do love presents and parties.
• The Jon & Kate drama is neverending.  Her brother and sister-in-law (who very, very few of you will remember from the early seasons of the show) sold their story.  According to her brother, the marriage has been over for at least six months and Kate is a money hungry famewhore. When TLC offered him and his wife money for their participation in the show, Kate pushed him out because she wanted all the money for herself.  Oh, and she really wants to be a talkshow host.
• In other Jon & Kate news, Kate thinks her hair is awesome and that lots of people want to rock her style.  WRONG!
• John Mayer isn’t over Jennifer Aniston and often spends his nights alone playing his guitar.  This is according to the slut that he started f-ing after his split with Jen.
• Ashley Olsen has retired from acting.  She’s now 100% a fashion designer.  For those of you who care.
• Neil Patrick Harris is hosting the Tony Awards.  I’m so loving his career resurrection.
• There is more baby news to report!  (Insert feigned surprise.)  Wanda Sykes and her partner just had twins - one boy and one girl.  Ashlee Simpson might be pregnant.  We hear this one might be another band-aid baby.
• The US version of Absolutely Fabulous has been shut down.  The pilot wasn’t picked up.  Thank GAWD.
• Now that Paulina Porizkova has been fired from ANTM she’s letting her claws out.  She thinks the “big ego” producers referred to when they fired her - on her birthday - had something to so with the fact that she was the only one who spoke up about how unfair it was that Tyra would often show up to set 6 hours late and not apologize when everyone else was on time.  Oh, and her and Tyra never ever spoke off camera.

Justin Bartha

While I was away, there was a rumor that Ashley Olsen was getting married.  Now, her people have come out to deny that rumor.  Thank god!  Home girl is like a bajillionnaire and does not need to be playing around with that stuff, pre-nup or not.  The good thing to come out of this rumor is the fact that I now know who Justin Bartha (the boyfriend) is and he is a damn hottie.  I’ve posted his picture above.   Mmm…mommy likes.

My obsession Robert Pattinson (again, I promise this is not turning into a fansite) has been all over the place this past weekend.  He was here in NYC doing his rounds.  Apparently, his hair is so fantastic that he never washes it.  He told some reporters at a press conference that he hasn’t washed it in 6 weeks.  Now, at first, I thought this was gross but then, I thought back to this Belgian bisexual (known in future posts as “The Belge”) I used to bone and remembered the feel of his gross, unwashed, overly gelled hair and the sensation took me to my warm place.  Mmm…dirty boys.  Dirty, dirty European boys…

Ok, I’m back.  Just needed a moment there.  Phew…let’s see what else has been going on.

Kendra Wilkinson, one of the Girls Next Door, is engaged to football player Hank Baskett.  Hef’s former HBIC, Holly Madison has also officially stepped out with craptastic magician, Chris Angel.  Maybe now we can stop hearing about them.

Kim Catrall was on a British talk show and told them that another Sex and the City movie is in the works.  I’m not gonna play - I love this show and am excited for the news.  I rewatch that stuff all the time on HBO On Demand.  Woot.

Simon Cowell and his perma-girlfriend Terri Whatshername broke up and he gave her $9,000,000 as a lovely parting gift.  I think that works out to $1,000,000 a year.  I think he’s disgusting but I would suck on his man breasts for that kind of cash.  I would let him sit on my lap at restaurants so he could look taller.  Just saying.  Nobody need cry for Terri.

Finally, in Spears news, there are reports that B is going to perform Human Nature with Madonna tonight at Madge’s concert in LA.  Justin Timberlake is also reportedly performing a duet with Madonna.  It’s highly doubtful that B and Justin will perform together.