• The first official New Moon poster.  Although Edward isn’t in this book that often, Robert Pattinson gets plenty of screentime as a flashback or figment of Bella’s imagination.  Thank goodness.
• Amy Winehouse was taken to a hospital in St. Lucia for the third time in as many months.  Never fear, she was released the same day.
• Chris Pine (the hottie from Star Trek) and one of those awfuls girls from the Hills are dating.  Methinks that it’s time for an upgrade, Chris.  You are now the star of what is sure to become a huge Hollywood franchise.  His agent needs to get on top of this.
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is working on a country album.  Why?
• I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been refraining from posting any Rihanna stories lately.  Well, she’s up and done the one thing thing that would get me to pay attention.  She was seen making out with Aubrey Graham aka Jimmy Brooks aka the kid in the wheelchair on Degrassi at Lucky Strike in NYC.
• Cameron Diaz loves the planet and therefore doesn’t flush the toilet when she goes #1.
• Britney is being sued again.  This time it is a former bodyguard who claims the working conditions were unsafe.  Now, call me crazy but isn’t the very nature of being a bodyguard unsafe?  Aren’t you supposed to put yourself in harm’s way to protect the person who hired you to be their bodyguard?  It sort of seems like his case is completely without merit.
• John Mayer thinks dudes hate him because he dates their fantasy girls. Wrong!  Let me clarify.  Dudes don’t hate John Mayer because I really don’t think dudes think about him.  The only people who really care about him are chicks and gay guys who read gossip blogs and, well, we don’t really care - we’re just mildly interested because we heard he has a horse cock.
• Bravo is casting for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  I can already tell you there is no way this is going to be as entertaining as the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Before we get to the gossip, I have to apologize for my lack of posting lately.  It was a crazy week last week, but I promise I’ve got some good stories coming your way.  Stay tuned!

• It is with great sadness that I pass along the announcement of Peter Andre and Katie Price’s separation.  In case you don’t know who they are, that’s their wedding photo above.  I sh!t you not.  That’s actually them, not wax or miniature models of them.  These are the same people who named their daughter Princess Tiaamii.  For realz.  They are ridiculous and I love them for it.  Their reality show was pure genious.  I’m really disheartened by this news.  If these two crazy kids can’t make it work, who can?
• Speaking of ridiculous, Heidi Klum and Seal celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary with a white trash themed wedding.  It’s sickeningly sweet that they renew their wedding vows every year.  They actually seem in love.  Oh, and in case you were dying to know - Heidi is pregnant with a girl.
• Both Tobey Maguire and Howie from the Backstreet Boys had sons over the weekend.  They didn’t have the sons - their female counterparts did, but you get my drift.
• Boy George got out of prison early for good behavior.
• Amy Winehouse “performed” at a jazz festival in St. Lucia.  It went as disastrously as you are imagining.
• Congrats to our girl, Britney Spears!  She successfully completed the North American leg of her tour this weekend.  Not many people thought she’d actually do it.  Shout out to Papa Spears for facilitating the whole thing.

• For some unbeknownst reason Vanity Fair decided to put a failed country singer on it’s cover.  Ok, fine, that failed country singer is Jessica Simpson but I still don’t get it.  It’s Vanity Fair, not Life & Style.  VF is a reputable magazine.  I could understand if the article that accompanies the cover was interesting but it’s not.  It’s the same old Jessica “Minister’s Daughter from a Small Texas Town” Simpson story we’ve already heard.  I read through all four pages of the article looking for interesting stuff to post but I came out empty handed.  I can say she does look very pretty in that picture and not at all fat in that picture.
• Pink wants us all to know that she is NOT bisexual despite reports to the contrary.
• David Hasselhoff went to the hospital this weekend with alcohol poisoning.  Depending on what reports you read, he either had a blood alcohol level of .39 (near death) and was foaming at the mouth OR he just drank a little too much and his ex-wife made up the crazy parts of the story.  This is his 10th alcohol related hospital visit this year so I’m tempted to believe his ex-wife.
• We haven’t heard from Amy Winehouse in a while.  She’s still in St. Lucia making friends with the local children (seriously, people are letting her play with their kids!).  She made news this past weekend by being rushed to the hospital.  Never to fear - she was just dehydrated.  Hmm…anyone ever wonder why all these celebs suffer from dehydration so often?
• Britney got a surprise during a show this weekend.  Somehow a crazed fan made it onto stage and tried to dance with her.  Her dancers protected her but she was still a little stunned.  Word is that it frightened her so much, she screamed. Thankfully, they don’t turn her mic on often during the show, so no one heard.

• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel mayhave broken up.
• Mandy Moore might be pregnant.
• Ellen Pompeo is definitely pregnant.  Two thoughts on this one.  First, I was surprised she could get pregnant, what with her weighing 90 pounds and all.  Second, how are they going to handle this on Grey’s Anatomy?  Will Meredith also get pregnant?  It would be kind of difficult to cover up a pregnancy on such a tiny frame.
• Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler?  I hope not.  He’s a man-slut.  They are planning on doing a movie together so let’s hope they’ve just been meeting about that.  She might want to take up the Millionaire Matchmaker’s offer to privately fix her up with a nice businessman.
• Madonna fell off a horse and got hurt.  Her people are blaming it on the paparazzi but the cops aren’t.  According to the cops, if a paparazzo was to blame it would have been mentioned somewhere in the report and it wasn’t.
• In other Madonna news, her former chef says she’s a good mom…for a mere 30 minutes a day.  He says she only sees her kids after she’s taken care of her personal workout needs.
• Today’s WTF!?! news come from St. Lucia.  Amy Winehouse would love to adopt a little St. Lucian child.  There’s no way anyone would give her a child…or even a fish for that matter.

Here’s everything you missed in the world of gossip while you were at a bar with your hands down a strange Columbian man’s pants…oh wait, that was me.

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are over…again.  This could be the real thing though because SamRon changed the locks on the house.  The drama doesn’t end there though…
• L. Lo also tried to crash a JCPenney party for Charlotte Ronson that SamRonwas DJing at and, of course, drama ensued.  SamRon told organizers not to let L. Lo in and Linds supposedly knew she was not wanted there.  So what did Linds do?  Obviously she tried to get in and had to be restrained by five bodygruards.
• As if that wasn’t enough, L. Lo accused SamRon of cheating and doing drugs via Twitter.  I’ve condensed it the key bits for you: “Cheat. im doing this publicly because u&ur friends call people mag..so-you win, you broke my heart. now go away. i loved you.  stop doing drugs.”  Don’t expect the drama to end anytime soon.  Lesbian break ups tend to take FOREVER.
• Chris Noth aka Big is holding out for more money to do the SATC movie sequel.  I don’t blame him, he’s a pretty central figure in the whole franchise.  Just hope he doesn’t hold out too long.
• Tom Brady and Gisele had a 2nd marriage ceremony in Brazil this weekend that ended with Brady’s bodyguard shooting at paparazzi.
• Madonna’s adoption application was denied because she hasn’t been living in Malawi for the required period of time.  I’m sure she’ll figure out a way around this one.  I do think she would have an easier time with this if she found an actual orphan to adopt.  Yes, this little girls parents are dead but her grandparents want to raise her.  Surely, there are other black babies with no living relatives.  Maybe she should start there.  Just sayin’.
• Amy Winehouse returned to St. Lucia.  Typing that makes me relax just a little.  It makes me feel like things are as they should be.

• There is hope for gals like us after all!  Who says a hard drinking, slightly trampy girl in her late 20’s won’t meet anyone nice?  The blond chick in the photo above is 27 year old Astrid Harbord aka Prince Harry’s newest lady love.  After a recent night of partying, he took her back to his palace.  It’s likely they’ll run into each other again because Astrid is friends with Prince William’s girlfriend, Kate.
• Amy Winehouse is not headlining Coachella this year.  The good news is that it’s due to visa troubles which is a much more respectable excuse than being asleep in a gutter after a 5 day crack binge.
• Britney had a little wardrobe malfunction at her concert in Tampa.  She exclaimed “My pussy was hanging out!” backstage.  (Un)Fortunately, her mic was still on so the audience heard it.  Oh a lighter note, she spent some time at a children’s hospital in Miami hanging out with sick kids.
• Today’s WTF!?! news comes from the CW.  Ashlee Simpson is the latest to join the cast of the new Melrose Place.  I thought this show had a 5% chance for survival.  Now it’s down to about .5% but only on the odd hope that they get Amanda Woodward aka Heather Locklear to make a cameo.
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have called it quits, again.
• Dakota Fanning is officially in the Twilight sequel, New Moon.  The studio confirmed the news.
• Coolio was busted for crack possession at LAX.  More embarrassing than the arrest is the fact that it’s an arrest for crack.  Nothing screams “My career is virtually over and I’ve spent most of my royalties!” like crack.
• Let’s all send some positive vibes to Peter Tork from the Monkees.  He has a rare form of head/neck cancer.  They were my favorite band growing up and one of the first I ever saw live.  Best of luck to Peter in his recovery.

• Miley Cyrus and her man candy went for a jog.  People keep talking about the fact that, technically, them being together is a felony because he’s 20 and she’s 16.  Whatever.  If you were 20 and had the opportunity to live with and f*ck a 16 year old girl with her parent’s permission, you totally would.  If you were any age and had the opportunity to f*ck an underwear model, you would.  I don’t see why everyone’s getting their panties in a bunch over this one.  Besides, she’s still a virgin ::cough cough::  What bothers me about this picture is the fact that she’s jogging in a bikini top and daisy dukes.  My tits aren’t nearly as big as hers and my girls need full support when I go to the gym.  Just saying…
• Amy Winehouse is officially back in London.  She got in a fight with a man before the plane even landed.
• No Doubt will be performing on Gossip Girl on May 11th.  Woot!
• Rhianna and Chris Brown are back together.  This is really sad, but not for her.  I really don’t care if she loves him so much that she’s willing to get her ass beat.  It’s sad for all her fans who might think it’s ok for a man to beat them as long as he says he’s sorry afterwards.  I haven’t posted much on this story because it’s been covered to death on other sites but, in case you haven’t been following, he beat the shit out of her.  It melts my cold, black heart a little to think about any victims of abuse who will use Rhianna’s return to Chris Brown as a way to rationalize staying in an unsafe situation.  Whether she wants to be or not, she is a role model.  The second you ask a young girl to save her allowance money to buy your album, you take on that responsibility.

There’s not much news today.  Amy Winehouse found out her Blake Incarcerated is no longer incarcerated and word is she’s trying to get back to England to try to work things out.  Those crazy kids.  Chris Angel dumped Holly Madison.  The only big news of the day involved one of my faves, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.  He’s going back to rehab.  (His last stint was in 2005.)  This is a good thing.  He’s been looking very haggard lately.  Let’s hope he gets the help he needs.  Let’s remember how great he looks when he isn’t battling his demons.

• Mel C, aka Sporty Spice, gave hirth to a little girl named Scarlett Starr.  Love the name.
• Nicole Ritchie is pregnant again.
• The latest news from Amy Winehouse’s perma-vacation involves her breaking up a lesbian couple.  She was rolling around naked in one woman’s bedroom when the woman’s girlfriend walked in.  She was so disgusted she got on a plane back to the UK.  The other woman is still there.  I gotta say it kinda bothers me that I go to all the trouble of bathing, working out, getting dressed in the morning, not getting addicted to crack, etc. and I can barely find a dude to make out with.  Meanwhile, she’s been sexing up the whole island of St. Lucia.
• The NYDN has a new blind item today - “Which married Oscar nominee has been cheating on his wife with a hard-partying starlet?”.  I’m fairly certain this is Sean Penn and Lindsay Lohan.  They’ve previously been spotted out at clubs before.

It’s a slow gossip day.  I think all the celebrities are busy not eating in preparation for the Oscars.

• Kate Winslet won’t be going nude in her upcoming movies: “I think I won’t do it again: a) I can’t keep getting away with it, and b) I don’t want to become ‘that actress who always gets her kit off.’”  I heart her.  She’s a goddess.
• Amy Winehouse is extending her perma-vacation.  She’s looking for a home there and plans to spend six months a year there as an escape.
• Madonna is going “public” with her hot piece, Jesus, this weekend at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party.  I’m so glad they are going public.  I had no idea they were together - the five bazillion photos of him following her around like a puppy didn’t clue me in.  PS - Does this mean she’s gonna get a Brazilian accent now?